Discuss "Time Travel to Prevent Quitting in DFG's" in the Forums
The current state of BattleCity is facing a serious epidemic of silly monkey's avoiding their sentenced death penalty each time they find themselves nested in an opponents DFG. For some reason, rather than die and re-spawn, many monkey's pleasure themselves by quickly hitting escape then re-joining!
So how do we stop monkey's from pleasuring themselves? This is no easy task as monkey's are extremely promiscuous and will pleasure themselves with any DFG they find. In fact, I've heard rumours that some monkeys will even pleasure themselves with their teammates DFG's!
In order to approach the problem, mad scientists over at the BattleCity Headquarters decided to conduct research on the issue. Several monkeys were inteviewed and many were then observed in their natural habitats.
The results of the research concluded that most monkey's felt the need to pleasure themselves on DFG's when they felt their opponents were using 4d. The monkey, excited by all the attention from the other team cannot control himself and therefore pleasures himself each time he encounters a DFG.
Researchers concluded that the only logical solution to fix the rampant monkey pleasuring problem on BattleCity would be by addressing the issue of 4d. Initially, people reported that 4d meant that 4 players were definding the base. However, after observing the battlefield, it was noticed that the monkey's would often yell 4d when only two people were defending the base disproving the 4 defender theory. It was therefore concluded that 4d must really refer to the fourth dimension.
BattleCity mad scientists are therefore exploring the possibility of using water as a 4th dimensional tool for time travel like Donnie Darko. Of course, depending on your skin, you may have to use molten lava instead of water which may or may not cause instantaneous death. Regardless, we feel that time travel is the solution to the problem.
How will time travel stop the monkey's from pleasuring themselves? It's actually quite logical. Rather than make people get stuck in DFG's, DFG's could be time travel portals into the past. The monkey's would return to a point-in-time 7 seconds before they hit the DFG and therefore never again have the opportunity to pleasure themselves because theoretically they would never again hit a DFG since they would always return to a time before they ever hit a DFG. Monkeys could also theoretically then know where all DFG's are without ever getting stuck in one from an outside observer point of view. This further eliminates the problem related to monkey's pleasuring themselves in DFG's.
The BattleCity staff would also like to request that any individuals with access to a particle accelerator please contact us because we are interested in also exploring the possibility of using high-speed colisions to create miniature black-holes. Once we have access to miniature black-holes, we could then use their gravitational force to travel into the future and thus create reverse DFG's that actually move your tank to where it will eventually be 7 seconds after being released from the DFG and thus into the future!
