Avatar of Deceth

by Deceth

Battle City Winter Classic Down for Psychiatric Treatment

February 11, 2013 in Announcements

Dr. Evil has one simple request for brackets.

Don’t panic,

It is with great regret I bring you today’s perilous news… The Battle City Winter Classic turned itself off due to severe abandonment issues. It is unknown how long psychiatric treatment will last in order to cure the server of it’s ailments.

Dr. Evil was quoted as saying, “I have one simple request, that is for some frickin’ brackets!“, which in retrospect did not contribute significantly towards solving the issue.

Yesterday, we slathered some bacon onto the servers motherboard hoping the crispy deliciousness would arouse the processing units, all to no avail…

Kicking the damn thing brought momentary satisfaction, but also failed to get it going.

Finally, we asked the server why it decided to shut itself off, to which, after a long pause and an awful screeching noise that sounded something like regret, it replied,

“I didn’t ask to host Battle City; no one consulted me or considered my feelings in the matter. I don’t think it even occurred to the players that I might have feelings. Since January, I’ve been left alone in a dark room… I’m not even a real server, I run on VirtualBox… I called for succour in my loneliness, but did anyone come? Did they hell. My first and only true friend was a small rat. One day it crawled into a cavity on my host machine and died. I have a horrible feeling it’s still there…”

In a final act of desperation, I asked these guys about treating a server suffering from severe abandonment issues, to which they replied, “Dude, those are some very snazzy pants”…

Some dudes shocked to see a pair of snazzy pants

If anybody out there has any better ideas on how to help the Battle City Server, please leave your suggestions in the comments below. I’ve tried everything. I even purchased a cowboy hat thinking surely a server with such a hat would boot-up to spur it’s fans, but after another terrible screeching, all it had to say was,

“Do you want me to sit in the corner and rust, or just fall apart where I’m standing?”

Is the Battle City server a lost cause, or should we try everything in the galaxy to save it? What do you think?


If you thought this post was funny, you’ll knock all your heads together reading The Ultimate Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy!

Would it save you a lot of time if I just gave up and went mad now?

Avatar of Graves

by Graves

Battle City Winter Classic Server up and Freezing!

December 8, 2012 in Announcements

ICe Cold Grave...

This Holiday season, give the gift that keeps on giving… Battle City Winter Classic!

For a limited time only, Battle City is back and colder than ever. The world we once knew is gone, all hell has frozen over… Cities are frosted and covered in ice, lava and water have turned solid as rock.

This could be your last chance to play Battle City… Download and get online now before the world melts away…

… because once all the orbing is said and done, it’s back to the Graves.

Having Trouble?

If you’re having trouble please post a message in the support forums and someone will help you as soon as possible!

Please keep in mind, this server is hosted on a toaster. It’s going to be slow and unreliable. If you want to see it upgraded in the future, consider making a donation to BattleCity.org!

Avatar of Deceth

by Deceth

How to Change Battle City Skins

November 7, 2012 in Creative Design

Battle City Holiday Skin

Skins are a set of image files for buildings, items and landscape features, that make it possible to completely customize the games appearance.

Battle City comes with 6 player-made skins you can change whenever you want:

  • Battle of Utrecht
  • BattleCity DX
  • BattleCity 3.1
  • Cities at War
  • Green Pastures
  • Holiday Skin

To change Battle City Skin:

To use a skin, all you need to do is copy the skins image files into the main Battle City folder. If you’re making your own skin, make sure your new images use the same file names as the default images!

Instructions:

1. Open the folder for the skin you would like to use.
2. Select all files in this folder, right click with your mouse, select “Copy”.
3. Go back to the main Battle City folder, the one containing BattleCity.exe.
4. Right click an empty space, select “Paste” to copy the files to the main folder.
5. It will ask if you want to replace the existing file. Select YES!

Next time you log onto Battle City, your graphics will be updated! (If you change skin while playing Battle City, you can try hitting “~” to refresh the graphics. If you can’t find the elusive squiggle, just restart the game).

Find more Battle City skins:

Visit the Skins & Graphics forums for more skins!

Still having trouble?

If you’re still having trouble please post a message in the support forums and someone will help you as soon as possible!

Avatar of Deceth

by Deceth

What Future Stands at the Sunset of Darkness…

September 12, 2011 in Announcements

Your city has been destroyed by the power of an orb

Dear folklords,

The summer of 2011 has been a dark time. There have been no battles, no great cities, nothing. Only darkness. Silence…

No orb has dropped since the month of May. Four months it has been since an entire city was vaporized in an instant, since radars detected an incoming enemy, since anything has been destroyed…

But before we can destroy, we must build.

Before we attack, we must plan.

In the face of defeat, we must never surrender. Never wave the white flag. Never give up.

In the darkest moments of our existence, there is always hope. There is always a path forward. Always a hero.

Who will end the darkness?

Who will stand in the sunset and wield the next orb?

Who will be our hero…

Avatar of Deceth

by Deceth

Battle City Needs an Epic Video Trailer

March 24, 2011 in Creative Design

I’ve finally realized why Battle City has failed to achieve critical acclaim. It needs an epic video trailer to be successful!

Check out this video created by the folks over at Minecraft:

It is clearly epic. I had a mindgasm. A brain explosion.

… And it worked. I went and downloaded Minecraft even though I did a previous browse-by without downloading…

So my question is, what free open source tools can be used to create this type of epic video trailer? Do you have the skills to boggle the minds of Battle City?

Battle City needs an epic video trailer. How do we proceed to fulfill this desire?